


Season Sex Nerds Reprise

by Crux01



Category: Homeland
Genre: Gen, Happy Ending, Quax, So sue me I don't care
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-14
Updated: 2017-04-14
Packaged: 2018-10-18 20:06:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,433
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10624209
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crux01/pseuds/Crux01
Summary: We all have different ways of coping and it may be too soon for some but fan fic has always been my preferred way. I'll just leave this here, so it's ready when you feel strong enough!





	

**Author's Note:**

> For Peter Quinn fans everywhere. May the light of Quinsus shine on you forever....
> 
> Thanks to Bwg and Homemadelemonade for all the brilliant suggestions and for asking me to write one last thing in this fandom.

AG - Alex Gansa  
LLG - Lesli Linka Glatter  
RF - Rupert Friend  
FMA - F Murray Abraham  
MP - Mandy Patinkin  
MS - Maury Sterling  
DL - Damien Lewis

 

Beverley Hills in a seventeen room mansion some time in 2019

 

(MS knocks on the door. Waits. Knocks again. Shouting from inside. Sometime later a limping RF opens the door.)

 

RF: Maury, mate, thanks for coming.

MS: No problem. Nice place you got here.

RF: Just renting while we're in town. You know me, I wouldn't bother but Aimee likes it.

MS: And you need more bedrooms now with the twins. What did you call them again?

RF: Yeah but not seventeen! We had a bit of an argument over names, in the end we settled for Murray and F, for their favourite grandfather.

MS: What does F stand for?

RF: I have no fucking idea.

MS: You have to open your own front door. Butler not working out?

RF: It's complicated.

MS: You're too nice, you know Rupes. They fucked you.

RF: (Waves hand about) Yeah, it looks that way doesn't it?

MS: Still limping? I thought Quinn would be long out of your system.

RF: Still doing my own stunts and suffering the consequences. You know my ankle is a bit of a weak point, another keepsake from Homeland. Anyway come through to the south swimming pool.

MS: South? How many are there?

RF: Not as many as there are bedrooms!

(Ensconced pool side)

MS: Aimee not here?

RF: She's doing a TED talk in town.

MS: Cool. On what?

RF: Prospering after getting crapped on from a great height. I helped her write it.

MS: So what do you want? I didn't think a two time Emmy winning actor plus Oscar winning director would be interested in me.

RF: Don't be silly Maury, we're mates. Anyway you'll have to wait a while longer. I got another chum coming. Drink?

MS: Beer?

RF: Beer? Really? No cocktail?

MS: Well, whatever.

RF: You're right, beer's probably about all my butler can manage! (Rings bell) So what's the gossip?

MS: You really want to know?

RF: Of course.

MS: Well, you know Max is dead?

RF: I'm not watching so I know nothing but I'm not surprised.

MS: Fractured skull, didn't get out of the way of the wobbly chin quick enough whilst fitting yet another security system to Carrie's house.

RF: Did you ...... eh? (Wiggles eyebrows suggestively.)

MS: No, thank god. Although there were a few sexy moments just to lead the audience on a bit. Make them think there was something building when there wasn't.

RF: (Shakes head) 

MS: Then they fitted F with a wig to make him look younger. Tried to get him as the love interest but it didn't work. He walked off, said it was a fucking disgrace for an actor of his standing to be treated in that way.

RF: Good for F! I hear he's off to do Lear on Broadway?

MS: Yep. Can't keep a good man down.

RF: Mandy?

MS: Well, he's sort of still there. Saul is still in prison but he threw his toys out the pram, so they agreed to have him as a roving reporter.

RF: A what?

MS: You didn't know? They got so hung up on the prescient bullshit and wanted it linked to real life so badly, season eight is just Claire reading the news.

RF: Oh my god! Really?

MS: Really..... the hook is; will she be off her meds or not? It gets a bit messy when she is, obviously. You're best out of it, Rupes. What the hell really happened? Why the season six finale rewrite? Why all the hints Quinn was still alive? Getting shot through a bulletproof windshield in the safe place and still dying. No funeral. No closure for fans..... It was her wasn't it? She threw a hissy fit about you being male lead, didn't she? Getting all the plaudits. She always was a touch jealous of your success.

RF: It's Claire's show, Maury. Where the fuck is my butler? (Rings the bell)

(Butler arrives)

AG: Yes, Mr Friend?

RF: Two beers please, Alex. You got that?

AG: Two beers, I think so. (Sniffs. Goes inside muttering.)

RF: It devastated him when he lost the show, you know. 

MS: You're a saint, you know that Rupes?

RF: I try but to be honest it's really hard. He's got the same problem as a butler that he had as a showrunner.....he's too fucking ambiguous. Gets sidetracked, can't ever finish what he starts!

(Door bell rings)

RF: Oh fuck, he's never gonna cope with getting drinks and the door at the same time!

(AG arrives with a guest but minus beer!)

RF: Damien! Mate, glad you could make it!

DL: Rupert, you handsome devil. How's things?

RF: Great.

MS: You guys are friends again? Last time I saw you you were beating chunks out of each other at the Emmy ceremony.

DL: (Sniffs dismissively) Misunderstanding.

RF: Yeah. Hey my commiserations, I hear Billions has finished.

DL: What can I say I'm a two season man. Anyway, Showtime going down the tubes. Talk of another network picking it up a sequel, Zillions, but I'm not holding my breath. Which is why I'm attracted to your offer, Rupes.

MS: Offer?

RF: Eh Alex, drinks?

AG: Oh sorry Mr Friend, I forgot. (Wonders off still muttering.)

DL: Is that really who I think it is?

MS: Yep.

DL: I heard he got fired from Homeland but Jesus how are the mighty fallen. What's he doing here?

MS: Rupert is helping him out.

DL: After what happened? You soft lad, Rupes. 

RF: I found him living in a dumpster, wearing trash bags. I couldn't let that stand.

DL: What about Lesli? I heard she was off the show as well?

MS: She got a new gig, I hear. Kid's show on Cartoon Channel.

RF: Really, what's it called?

MS: Karma, I believe!

DL: So Rupes, what gives?

RF: Well, I'm pitching a new show. What if Carrie Mathison's cunt isn't a killer?

DL: Eh? It was, believe me. And if that didn't get you her bloody bra would. Why did she even wear one, it's not like she's got any tits to keep in it. You never even got that far, mate.

RF: No, but one kiss and a grope was enough for me! Smokey!

DL: Believe me you got out lucky. What have you got in mind?

RF: So, I have three networks interested.

DL: I'm not surprised. You are shit hot at the moment, I saw Cornerman by the way, it was phenomenal. You deserve that Best Director Oscar.

MS: Yes, and your Hamlet was to die for. Plus Alexis loved your Scottish accent in that play.

RF: Oh, thanks both. I'm talking Brody, Max and Quinn together on the ultimate road trip. We reprise our roles without the blonde. I got Nina to be a love interest and Morena is interested.

DL: Wow, great idea. Just keep Dana out of it.

MS: I like it. But what about Max's love interest?

RF: Nazanin is gonna phone me back. So you're in? I thought it would be a good way to thank those fans, cos they are still hurting you know. And at the end of the day we can move on, but some of them just can't.

DL: Great idea.

RF: One more thing, Damien, Franny is in. Those precious twins, Claire and McKenna are desperate to get involved. Although there will be no monopoly playing, that's strictly Claire's vision.

MS: Oh shit, I still owe them ten bucks for when they shaved off Pantykins' beard while he was sleeping. And they dyed your hair blue, Rupes. You have to watch them Damien, they know no boundaries.

RF: They're great fun! Hey, it doesn't look like that beer is coming.

DL: Let's hit the road and celebrate our new venture! There's a great bar I know down the coast. 

(AG finally turns up with beer.)

RF: Not now Alex, we changed our minds. Fucking annoying that isn't it, when you think you know where things are going, what the ending is gonna be and then the whole thing gets rewritten into complete travesty?

AG: (Just stares questioningly.)

MS: Wait has anybody contacted Tracy Letts?

RF: Hell, no.

MS: What the fucking fuck?

RF: You're right we need him in, even if it's only to bring the lasagne!

DL: Have we got a title?

RF: I thought Motherfucker!

(They walk out the door, still plotting and into the sunset.....)

**Author's Note:**

> It's been a great ride......thank you and good luck!


End file.
